Chav Speak

Because everyone loves the Chavs!

The police force know how dangerous Chavs can be when they’re looking for trouble.

They understand that the Chavs will deliberately lure them into their council estates, corner them off with a roadblock, drag the nearest copper out of the car and waggle their testicles on top of his head as a primitive form of humiliation.

It’s nearly impossible to rescue an office in this situation as the Chav will always threaten to gouge his eyes out with his pink rope if he moves one step closer. There are many accounts of this happening across England and it’s especially prominent in Lincolnshire where officers can not leave for their beat without first putting on cock-proof googles which can drastically reduce the chance of unnecessary eye-loss whilst on service.

If you’ve ever tried to go to the shop late at night you’ll have encountered numerous Chavs hanging about outside the establishment, kicking a football about and giving anyone who enters or leaves the shop endless grief. There’s nothing you can do to avoid the Chavs, so the only way to stay safe it to refrain from eye contact.

It helps if you’re wearing earphones too as you won’t be able to hear anything they will shout at you.

Be careful on the way out of the shop too as they will nearly always launch an assault if they notice you’ve bought anything worth over £0.99. The only option is to carry a lit cigarette with you at all times, that way if one of them approaches you looking for a fight you can stub it out in the assholes eye before you he can cause you anymore trouble.

This is an easy one to answer. Teenage Girls are insecure morons who love  hanging around with the ‘tough guys’ just so that they feel less frightened in every day life.

Thankfully it all backfires when the girl gets pregnant and ends up living with 12 children on a council estate and the chav then moves onto the next vessel he can project his vacant seed towards.

It’d be funny if it wasn’t so damn pathetic.