Chav Speak

Because everyone loves the Chavs!

Female chavs are well known for being promiscious and can often be seen wheeling around buggies in town centres across the UK.

During the average lifespan of the Chavette, she will have 25 different partners and will give birth to approximately 150 little Chavlets, most of whom will live in a stolen caravan in the back garden of their council house.

Chavettes will play a vital role in the existence of the human race – especially in the event of a nuclear war. Whilst everyone else in Britain will have died away, the chav’s supreme foraging skills will enable them to live off the land, without succumbing to radiation poisoning.

They will be the ones who laugh last as they become Queens of the world.

Believe it or not there are some Fat Chavs out there in society. Whilst most people assume that they are too poor to eat, this is a misconception. Chavs often take advantage of all of the wonderful offers in their local Iceland Store, stocking up on £1 Pizza’s and Chocolate Gateau’s in order to survive on their benefits.

This is not to say that Fat Chavs are any less of a threat than their skinner counterparts. It may be true that they cannot rule as fast as them, however if they do manage to catch you they will likely knock you to the ground and then attempt to sit on your face, which can do untold damage to your features.